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t3knomanser's Fustian Deposits

Khomeni's Anniversary

How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

run the fuck away

Mad science gone horribly, horribly wrong(or right).

Khomeni's Anniversary

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run the fuck away
19 years ago, Ayatollah Khomeini died. Iran threw a big bash to commemorate this, with all the pomp and circumstance you would expect when honoring a theocratic dicktard.

At funerals in Iran, there is a tradition. To show respect for the dead, you toss money at their coffin during the funeral procession. For important people, you toss money at their gravesite too. This is collected and given to the poor. When Khomeini died, this tradition was observed, but with one small addition: the bills were wrapped in shit. Yes: they threw shit at the corpse of Khomeini. This gives you an idea of how popular he really was.

My grandmother-in-law, who lived in Iran was recently buried. My mother-in-law traveled back to her homeland to visit the grave-site (in the same cemetery as Khomeini's tomb). This happened to be around the same time as the anniversary of Khomeini's death. The big bash wouldn't have looked so great if people were standing around hurling shit at the tomb, so the government of Iran did the only rational thing it could do: it imported celebrants.

They trolled through third world Islamic countries and offered people a free plane ride and hotel rooms in Tehran so that they could attend this bash. Most of the people in the audience didn't speak a lick of Farsi. They looked, dressed, acted nothing like locals, but hey- they don't throw shit at the guy you're trying to make look good, so that counts for something.

That's the news my mother-in-law brought back from Iran. She also brought back a joke:
Ahmadenijad heard about a local blood drive, and decided that it might be a good photo-op to make his failing administration look good. When he arrived, he was lined up with the people who hadn't ever given blood before so that he could be blood typed. The nurse sat him down, ran the test, and looked very confused. He called over his supervisor and showed her the test. "His blood is no type," the nurse explained. "He is not A or B, AB, or O. All I can see is that he is negative."

The supervisor ran the test again, and confirmed the results. The supervisor, the nurse, and the president all sat there, very confused. And then the supervisor noticed a strange odor coming from the test tube that held Ahmadenijad's blood. A foul stench- but one that she recognized. "I'm sorry, Mr. President," she explained. "But we do not need your kind of blood."

"Why? What blood type am I?"

"Shit negative," she replied.
I imagine it's funnier to a native speaker.
  • I still remember, vividly, being about seven years old and seeing the headline about Khomeini's death on the front page of our newspaper. My grandma (the "grandmother-in-law" of this post) was with us in the States at that time, and she sang and danced over the news.

    How weird that the 40-day observance of her passing coincided with Khomeini's observance.

    I am busy missing Grandma now. ^_^*
  • I remember one of the late Sam Kinison's comments about Khomeini's (finally) passing, to the effect that it must be traditional for Iranians to use their rulers for a piñata after they die....

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