Speaking of Web Design, our group's company site is due monday. We started today.
Tonight, 'Manda, Sarah, Dennis and I got together to watch Memento. Remy++ rating on that one- ie. that's a maximum jumbo size popcorn with a heart attack rating of butter upon it. Not as good as unbreakable, but sooo much better than anything else out there.
Besides, we all love a twist begining. Er, ending. Wellll.. you know what I mean- and if you don't, go watch it.
'Manda took me back to Siena, and we hung out in the car, chatted, cuddled and cried a bit. We're all still a little offed by this whole thing. I was talking to her about it though, and when we're together, we can't live with each other, but when we're apart, we can't live without each other. But living without is something that can be more easily dealt with. With time, that gets easier, but living with each other just gets harder if you're not at a point where you can handle it.
In other words, as much as we love each other, we're just not a good couple.
After that chat, I went for a walk down Spring St. I don't know quite how far, and it certainly seemed longer on the outward leg than the return trip. It was far, almost to the warehouses by the river. I'd have hit the hudson in another ten minutes I think. It was nice, being "baptised" by the rain, watching the cabs bringing the drunk people home. Chuck and Nietzsche by my side, it was pleasant.
And so, when I asked "Why do I always fail?", a very wise young lady replied that I failed in my self enlightenment because I actively go looking, and it's the sort of thing that happens at it's own time.
I took some time to ponder that, get a feel for the idea and all that. And it's true- and not true. You can't just go and find it. There's no easy solution, and if it's not ready to happen, it won't. At the same time though, it isn't going to happen by itself. You have to take a hand in that self-creation. You are the birthed and the birthing. All the well wishing in the world won't let you give birth to a healthy baby 2 weeks after conception. You've got to wait until it's time, but when you start feeling contractions, you've got to play it safe- and assume that it's time.
In other words, and I think that this isn't what my dear Mamagoth had in mind, but my past "failures" weren't exactly. They were false alarms. This might be too... then again, if I'm not careful I can miscarry anyway.
Realizing that I'm not a failure doesn't mean that there aren't mistakes to be learned from. It just means that I have a clean slate to work from.
I'm kinda tired.