How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy (t3knomanser) wrote,
How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

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"If I could be like that..."

Around this time every year, give or take a month, I embark on some process of spiritual searching. Looking to fix those things that hold me back. And every year, just as regularly, I fail. And I don't know why.

If any of you have even the faintest idea, I'm looking for suggestions. I'm looking for ways to break this cycle of rehashing the same mistakes over and over again, working on the same personal failings again and again and again.

I want to be a better Remy. Part of me wants a simple, easy life. A content life. Part of me hates that part. Contentment can't be held onto. I need to move beyond contenment. I have to accept pain as well as pleasure.

I'm working on the 25 conjurations from the Liber Kaos Kinetes Kuberneties (or something like that- it means "The Chaos Thunderbolt Controls all things"). It's five levels, each with five conjurations, ranging from Invocation to Illumination. I'm working on the Illumination one right now. I construct a "lamp", and select aspects of myself that need work. The lamp is my guide on the quest. Right now, I'm working on conquering my arrogance, my self centeredness and my fear of myself.

The parts of me I hate I need too...

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