How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy (t3knomanser) wrote,
How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

The most awesome thing I've seen today.

This is the most awesome thing I've seen today. Now, it's pretty cool, and I chuckled, but it's nothing that exciting. By far, that is the most awesome thing I've seen today. By a factor of ten, nay, a factor of 1010. Er, two factors of ten then.

Why is that so awesome by comparison? Because I'm in Shittensburg, PA. That's why. Do you know what's in Shippensburg, PA? A Wal-Mart. And do you know what else is in Shippensburg? A K-Mart. It's right across the street. They're having a sale on patio furniture. You could save up to $100 on patio furniture. Do you know what else is in Shittensburg? There's a road under construction that goes nowhere. It goes into an empty field. Nay, not completely empty, there appears to be some crops growing in it. Why are they building a large road into the middle of this field? Fucked if I know, apparently that's what they do in Shittensburg. They get bored and build a road.

The only other thing in Shittensburg is the place where I'm teaching.

There are no cabs in this town. Which means I have a lovely mile long walk to work, and a mile long walk home. There's a gas station halfway between the place where I'm teaching and my hotel, and on the way home, I stopped for a drink, and to pull cash out of the ATM. WHOOPS! They don't have a fucking ATM. A gas station. Without. A. Fucking. ATM.

Now, I know I'm all citified, but I've been into the Eastern Wilds of Bumfuckia, and been able to find an ATM at any gas station I stopped at. This is the 21st GODDAMN CENTURY.

Also, Microsoft is currently on my list. I italicized that so you could see the menace. You do not want to be on my list. Shittensburg is on my list. And so is Microsoft. Why? Well, Microsoft has this habit of putting together classes on technologies that haven't been released yet. So, for example, some of the classes for .NET 2005 use beta software. That, itself, isn't a problem. But this beta software expires. Stops working. Kaput. So, you go to Microsoft and say, "Hi, Microsoft. I'd like to run a training class on data access with .NET." And Microsoft says, "Oh, great, here's the training image. Never mind that it won't fucking work. We just give them out, it's not our responsibility to provide the training materials for the courses we offer. I hope you like my cock up your ass, because you're getting reamed at 9:15 when you try and have the students do a lab."

I hate this town.

I've made up a myth about this town. You see, Shippensburg has a college. Yes, there's a college here. On the map, it's the size of the goddamn rest of the town, and the population roughly doubles when school is in session. How can this be? Centuries ago, one of the Ancient Ones fell to Earth, and landed in what was to be Shippensburg, PA. And through its eldritch powers, it drew squamous and horrifying beings, beings that are nearly human, but only nearly. Their desires are to serve their noiseome masters. When they arrived here, they needed to feed it souls, and to train another generation of acolytes to serve this being from beyond time and space. To do that, they need to draw people to it- so they started a college. The purpose of the college was to put in place enough demand for a small town to appear. This unwitting hamlet exists to provide warm human flesh. The college draws off of the local populace for students and staff, and in turn, these natives are trained in the service of their dark god, while others... others are simply vanished, and never heard from again. But I know where they go- into the belly of a many tentacled thing that chills the imagination and makes men go mad at the mere sight of it.

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