Halloween, HallowsEve, Samhain came and went. So much was supposed to happen that day, and so little of it really felt like it did. Things that I usually look forward to that day for- that moment of unification I get with all of myself, past, present, and future, happened the day before. That moment where the barriers of the world were thinnest was... anticlimatic.
All in all, I'm feeling terribly let down by this Samhain, and I'm hoping that it's not a sign for the year. I'm not going to let it be I think, and it's a simple as that.
I burned myself on the stove yesterday, and it's an interesting burn mark- it wanted to be a second degree, but really just couldn't get the gumption up to do it. Which pretty much hits where I'm feeling right now.
The turning point was Saturday's Mystery Dinner. Saturday, during the day, was a fantastic day for me. I was feeling the me vibe very strongly, and went and redid part of my wardrobe to reflect that- some shirts off the Macy's clearance rack that just scream "Homosexual", yet somehow don't look nearly as gay on me. An 80's leather jacket that _shouldn't_ look good on me. A gentleman's fedora. I got into those clothes and I felt _me_. I was on top of everything.
And then the mystery dinner bombed. Barb's Mystery Dinner is a big thing every year, and normally, it's a lot of fun. But this year, I couldn't get into it. The guests couldn't get into it. And the whole thing felt kinda flat.
And that's pretty much where I am at the moment- blah. The burst of creativity that's been with me the past few weeks is wearing off, and I know part of it is backlash from the Soviet Union incident (long story, weird occulty-bit stuff, harass me if you really want to know), and I hope that passes soon.
All in all, I'm feeling terribly let down by this Samhain, and I'm hoping that it's not a sign for the year. I'm not going to let it be I think, and it's a simple as that.
I burned myself on the stove yesterday, and it's an interesting burn mark- it wanted to be a second degree, but really just couldn't get the gumption up to do it. Which pretty much hits where I'm feeling right now.
The turning point was Saturday's Mystery Dinner. Saturday, during the day, was a fantastic day for me. I was feeling the me vibe very strongly, and went and redid part of my wardrobe to reflect that- some shirts off the Macy's clearance rack that just scream "Homosexual", yet somehow don't look nearly as gay on me. An 80's leather jacket that _shouldn't_ look good on me. A gentleman's fedora. I got into those clothes and I felt _me_. I was on top of everything.
And then the mystery dinner bombed. Barb's Mystery Dinner is a big thing every year, and normally, it's a lot of fun. But this year, I couldn't get into it. The guests couldn't get into it. And the whole thing felt kinda flat.
And that's pretty much where I am at the moment- blah. The burst of creativity that's been with me the past few weeks is wearing off, and I know part of it is backlash from the Soviet Union incident (long story, weird occulty-bit stuff, harass me if you really want to know), and I hope that passes soon.
