How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy (t3knomanser) wrote,
How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

Confessions of the World's Most Hated Superhero

This story was one that had been kicking around in the back of my head for awhile. I hate the thesis of it, mostly because I feel, in so many ways, that it is a terrifying truth.

I don't remember life before having super powers. Probably a side effect of the meteor/radiation/experiment-gone-wrong/what-ever-caused-them. But there I was, walking down the street, and I heard a voice yell help. And I did. Again, and again. Bullets slid off me, knives shattered on impact. Explosions were standard fare. Flight was a novelty at first, but rapidly became as dull as walking- just faster. Super-hearing, sight, etc. were gifted on me, to use as I saw fit. So I tried to help people.

The comic books lied. There was no drop in crime. Well, not true. There was a dip in crime shortly after I appeared in all the papers, and then it went right back up on the gradual climb it had been on the whole time. I was left feeling useless, but I couldn't stop. My super hearing would kick in, or the mayor would call my phone, or I'd see a crime in progess. Even the president tried to co-opt me to defuse a terrorist attack. Could I say no, even knowing that the lives saved that day would just meet an unfortunate end on some other day, when I wasn't there?

And I wasn't there more than I was.

One day, as I was striding down the street, resplendant in my cape, a bum shook his cup. I patted my leotard, which obviously had no pockets for change. "I don't want change," he said. "Jus' gettin' your attention. Why you live like that?"

"Same reason any of us lives the way we do- we have no choice. Did you choose this life?"


That took me aback. "See, mos' people jus' blunder through, reactin'. Like you." He paused at that point to ingloriously expel a gobbet of pleghm. "Me, I said to myself, what do I want? I want no 'sponsibility. No one tellin' me, be here, or be there. I wanted to be free, even if it meant I couldn't have much. That was the cost of freedom, and I paid it, yes I did."

It was a strange wisdom. That night, I spent hours thinking about what I wanted to do. What I wanted from life. It was then, clear to me, that I was a slave to the criminals and terrorists. They moved and I responded, not beacuse I wanted to, but because I was compelled. I had to take action- clear steps.

I idly flipped through the news on my computer, pondering what was the biggest threat to a stable, healthy world today. And in the headlines was yet another tirade about Israel's "Security Fence". This article mockingly called it an "Insecurity fence" and had nothing good to say about it, while a dozen others condemned the UN for sticking its nose into the affair. One even said, "If you oppose the fence, you support the death of Jews." Strong words.

There were so many strong words. How many terrorist acts were caused because of this conflict? How many lives lost? I knew where I must act, and in a flash of inspiration, I knew how I was to act.

The next day, I made my announcement to the world. "I have served you, not out of choice, but because of compulsion. Now, I must reject that, and not serve you as a man, running around trying to patch a thousand leaks with my fingers. Now, I must serve you as a leader, an individual that sets direction. Someone who makes rules, and expects them to be followed." I paused, looking at the crowd, which was muttering in shock. The sensationalist newspapers were already screaming the new headline- "Power Goes to Head- Hero Declares Himself Dictator."

"To the start of this end, I will outline my simple plan for peace in Israel. For every Israelite that is killed in a Palestinian attack, I will kill ten Palestinians." The conservative journalists cheered. "And, for every Palestinian that is killed due to this conflict, I will kill twenty citizens of Israel. I depart for the region at the end of this conference, and I warn you- do not test me."

With that, I lauched into the air.

As predicted, they did not believe me. The Israeli government launched a retaliatory strike in response to a suicide bombing the preceding week. Ten Palestinians died in the attack, and two-hundred Israelis fell by my hand. Mistaken that I was on their side, a rash of suicide bombings were orchestrated by the PLO, killing fourty Israelis. And four hundred Palestinians were snuffed by my hand.

Governments screamed for my blood. The UN declared me a war criminal, and my very own weapon of mass destruction. For a time, violence raged between the Israelis and the Palestinians in the wake of my attacks. They started trying to use me as a weapon against the other side, but I would have none of it. Instead, I took to the air, and floated above the Temple of the Rock. Using my super powered voice, I shouted, "This is the city that you would fight for. This is the crux, the birthplace of three great religions. And within the hour, it will be rubble."

And it was. I spared no structure, but I let each person escape unharmed. People fought back with rockets, machine guns- Palestinians and Israelis fought side by side. Instead of running from Israeli tanks, the Palestinians used them for cover. They coordinated, they planned. But what were the weapons of these children compared to me?

At the end of that day, under the threat of my further displeasure, there was a turning point in human affairs. Oh, there were slide-backs, which I punished just as violently as when battle raged, but Israel and Palestine honestly worked towards peace.

Months later, now hated by a large portion of the world, I addressed them. "You are foolish children. When there is plenty, you hoarde. Some among you increase your stockpiles with violence. I intend to put an end to all war on the face of the Earth, as I have ended War here, in the most precarious nation on Earth. King Solomon was once asked to solve a dispute over a child- and he said, 'Cut the child in half, and let each party have one half.' Those people were wise enough to understand the folly of that, and compromised. I do not think that you are that wise. Let me say this- for each dispute you wage as nations, I will visit life upon life tenfold. I will be the harsh rod to guide you to a better world."

And so I cruised the world, a spectre, bringing death to Ireland, to Pakistan, to Iraq and the United States. I moved from simply judging the action of nations to judging the actions of classes, and for each poverty stricken individual to die, I killed a handful of the rich. These were not reasoned punishments- they were reprisals. I made mankind fear their own injustice, by providing the ultimate example of it.

And today, I write this in my lair, secure from the world for a few more moments. The force of all mankind is united, and it approaches to strike me down. They will fail, of course, but I will not punish them for it. Instead, I will flee this world, feigning my own defeat. I have done what every great leader has dreamed of, from Alexander onwards- I have forged an Empire that spans the globe. I leave mankind this writing, this accounting for my actions as a warning. I will watch, from afar. And if mankind shows that they are not truly ready to grow and live alone, I will return, bringing a cloud of death in my wake.

Let that be the lesson, and let that be the moral. There is no Justice so great that it can root out Injustice- only great and daring injustice can ever truly strike a blow in the name of Justice.

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