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t3knomanser's Fustian Deposits

I need a pen, For I have none, Even so I keep writing, I keep…

How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

run the fuck away

Mad science gone horribly, horribly wrong(or right).

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run the fuck away
I need a pen,
For I have none,
Even so I keep writing,
I keep bleeding,
Until I am empty.

I'm... what am I? Sad. Empty. Hurting. La. It's alot of where I've been for the past few months. Why? What brings this on? Where did it come from.

Obviously, something in my life is wrong. Either there's something missing, or something that shouldn't be there. Or both.

What's missing is the knowledge of what I can do to end this.

It may seem absurd, but don't be naieve, even heroes have a right to bleed

Hey look, it's time for me to stop mentally editing myself before I type.

As of getting back, something feels off with Amanda. Honestly, all weekend, we barely saw each other. In fact, we spent more time with other people, which isn't bad per se, but it's just... odd, considering that we haven't seen each other in so long. It all feels really distant, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

It's not a problem of me going anywhere, because I'm not. This is not further reruns of previous years.

It's just... what?

Sleep is the escape, the little death that allows us to go on with life.

The need for sleep doesn't exist. Sleep is just an escape from what we don't want to deal with. I've seen how one can go without sleep, I've done it.

Crippling bloody pain on the shoulder where the spear lances through and pins you to the wall of the old ways where you sit and rot like a bunny fed once and nailed in place so that in later years it can ramble off advice to an otherwise homocidal maniac (did I just read JTHM today?) and it's the hollow in you caused by the spear the empty the eating the soul wrenching death of me.
  • (big tight hug)
  • sleep

    Oh, don't underestimate the need for sleep, and the theraputic elements of dreams. We must escape the confines of the body every few hours, and return to our inner selves! It's just a matter of rhythm...for example we require 8 hours TOTAL sleep, for every 24 hour cycle. But our error is in getting the 8 hours all at once, or all at night. The best cycle is when we sleep for 6 hours at night, and take a 2 hour nap in the day. Or sleep 5 hours at night, and take a 3 hour nap in the day...This prevents us from creating unnatural divisions between day and night.
    Please don't deprive yourself of sleep anymore! It's like starving yourself of food. Frequent small meals, instead of fasting and binging is easier on the body. Take care of yourself...the world needs you!
    • Re: sleep

      "We must escape the confines of the body..."

      There are no confines of the body. The matter/spirit dualism is old hat. Ditch it, because you have to really contort your perceptions of reality to make that theory hold true. No no, there's no body to confine you, no soul to escape from it.

      You simply are. Someone, at some point, decided that by being unconsious during the night, when our bodies were poorly adapted to fend off predators that we could not see, it was better to sleep, preferabbly someplace sheltered. Kept us out of trouble, and conserved our rather scarce energies.

      Now however, we've reshaped the world. Energy is on the shelf, and pretty affordable. The predators are far away, and even when they're not, we carry light with us now. The evolutionary advantage that sleep provided us has passed.

      Also, even working in the world where people "require" sleep, there are those that slept for one hour a night, like Nikolai Tesla, while psychological studies have revealed that the average person can actually do with 4 hours, so long as they slowly wean themselves down from thier accustomed level.
      • Re: sleep

        Oh, Tman, I am so relieved that you are ok! Do you live in NY? I was worried about you.
        Now. Technically you are right, of course, the body is not a way of confining the spirit, but a way of expressing it physically. But your conscious mind does need to turn away from the cares of the physical world and seek refreshment in the non-physical plane of existance, and doing so for at least a few hours a night and a few hours a day has proven ideal.
        Our early ancestors had as much access to energy as we do now, but they had to apply that energy towards survival, as you pointed out. But early man was as wakeful at night as in the day. Nocternal predators were as dangerous as those that hunted by day, and humans had to be on guard day AND night, hence being awake at night has been a habit for eons. If technology has brought any improvement, it is that we can illuminate our homes at night and work as if we were in broad daylight, without the unnatural division created by a society dominated by commercial needs and diversions. Creativity does not require daylight to be expressed, but it does require periods of sleep, rest and spiriutal refreshment for inspiration, and our bodies require rest to be able to assist in the expression of our inner desires.
        Mr.Tessla was a most remarkable and sadly underappreciated genius. If he could go on four hours of sleep, good for him, but I still say he would have benefitted from a nap in the daytime as well.
        Happy to know you are alive and well, and still kickin', my dear Tman, please do take good care of yourself. I am always glad to see your messages in my mailbox, and I enjoy reading your entries. You are a most remarkable person too.
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