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t3knomanser's Fustian Deposits

Gods, Myths, and What I Approve of in a Hero

How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

run the fuck away

Mad science gone horribly, horribly wrong(or right).

Gods, Myths, and What I Approve of in a Hero

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run the fuck away
Arachne: Arachne stepped forward to challenge Athena in a battle of weaving. Athena, the goddess, wins. Of course. And for her hubris, Arachne is turned into a spider. A high price to pay, but at least she had the balls to put her skills and wits on the line. Arachne reached and missed. (Of course, Athena's followers are gone, she gets no sacrifice, and spiders are everywhere. Take that bitch.)

Icarus: It's very much the same here. Icarus was given boundaries and didn't like them. So he tried to overcome those boundaries- and died. But again, at least he had the balls to challenge what he could and could not do, but like Arachne, he failed (though without a cheerful epilogue).

Hermes: Hermes was another one of Zeus' bastards. The god got major play. A god in the sack perhaps? Anyway, Hermes was stuck as a half god/half mortal, and was pretty pissed about this. He felt he was entitled to being a god and eating the fruits of sacrifice. So when no one is looking, he slips into the grounds where Apollo has set his cattle to pasture. Of course, these are god cows, they don't eat, they don't die. And Hermes swipes himself a handful; he's real careful like, covering his tracks and being all tricksy about it (oh, and he's one day old at this point). Now Hermes takes twelve of these cows and butchers them, and makes a sacrifice, eleven portions to the eleven major gods, and one extra- to him. He sacrificed to himself, and refused the mortal portion. He didn't eat it. Like a god would. He hid that extra part of the sacrifice and ran home.

Now Apollo notices some cows are missing. So he noses about and finds the tricksy one responsible, Hermes. And so he slips up on Hermes and goes, "Yo bitch, where be my cows?" And Hermes looks all innocent and cherubic and says, "I don't know." And Apollo says, "What, you think I was born yesterday?" "No, but I was." And before Apollo can lay down the smackdown, Hermes takes out his lute (which he had also made that day, after finding a tortise shell outside) and plays Apollo a song, where Hermes is the hero, and a sneak thief. Confession it may be, it's too terribly amusing, and Apollo laughs it off, and lets Hermes get away with it. And that's how Hermes gets to run around as a god-like bit.

Heracles:Much like Hermes, Zeus spawned this jock boy. And much like Hermes, Heracles was not amused at this whole life as a mortal thing. So he goes, "Hey pa, how can I get some recoginition, I want a piece!" And Zeus shakes his head, and says, "Son, I've got a couple of tasks you can do. Pull this off, and you're golden." So Heracles goes out and busts his balls to please the gods, gets his shit beat in, and after all that, he gets about the same recognition as Hermes. Actually less, since he's kinda looked down on.

So, the moral of the story? In the end, Hermes wins. He is in a better position, I mean, sure, he has to work pretty hard. Messenger, escort to the Underworld, god of travellers, etc. But he's thought of as a full fledged god. I mean, who, with the common knowledge of myth, actually knows he's only a demi-god? Heracles busted his balls off, and gets half the recognition, half the responsibilty, and none of the fun.

So nyah.
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