How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy (t3knomanser) wrote,
How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy
t3knomanser

Some evil D&D. Thought: there are all these reformed witches that come into christianity and can then say: "I know how evil it is, I was there." I wonder... how much of that is a result of suggestion? I think, like the man in the article above, a good portion of this is created after the fact.

I also found the tract.

And a different spin on it.

Now though, I would like to go through the tract, panel by panel, and critisize it's glaring errors (some of which are pointed out by the parody).

Frame 1: You call this a roleplaying session? First off, there is a living plant in the room. The only time I've been over and rolepalyed and seen anything alive aside from the fuzz on a week old pizza was when we played at someone's grandmother's. The cans of soda are far too few, and not a one is scattered on the floor, and not a one has "Mountain Dew" written on it. A light spell blinds the monster? Suuuuure... and without a dice roll even. Okay missy, you tell me what spell you cast, and I tell you what it does to the monster. Stupid little twat.

Frame 2: And you "declare" her? C'mon, there's six players, and not a one of them is a cleric with a cure poison spell? Or a potion? Or a fucking snakebite kit? Don't even get me started. Though, I do have to be honest, any player that reacts like that to their character getting killed should be kicked out of the session. But "don't exist"? That's a little rough. Let them drown their sorrows in Dew.

Frame 3: First she was a wizard, now she's a cleric? Or is there some multiplaying going on.

Frame 4: There's no walls. Apparently, this coven meets in the astral plane. Note that there are thirteen in robes, which means little Debbie is going to throw the numbers off. They'll probably have to sacrifice the chubby one in the back left. Oh, and there's no way a character named "elfstar" would live through one session, let alone get to the eight level.

Frame 5/6/7: Debbie's first spell was "mind bondage". Isn't that cute. I wasn't aware any occultists gave their spells names like in roleplaying guides. But that's just me. And for a first outing, toying around in someone's skull is a bit far fetched. And no one can contort their face in that manner.

Frame 8: Debbie is fighting a zombie all by herself. And she's probably going to give her character a gazillion XP for it too. She's one of those players... she'll probably say later: "I rolled for it! Really!"

Frame 9: Like anyone's mother is going to know that their character died. Just fucking roll up a new one, and ditch those lamers that don't even know how to play.

Frame 10: Heh heh heh.

Frame 11: As the MST3k version pointed out, if she's so alone, who's gonna read the note?

Frame 12: Spritual growth through the game. ::chuckle snicker snort::

Frame 13: What particular sect of cleric is she? Harm none? Cut none, yeah, hence all the maces (because a mace is more merciful than a sword or something). If her character was weak, that's the DM's fault, for not balancing her out, and helping guide the player. Again, I wouldn't RP with these people except to screw with them.

From this point forward, there's no need for commentary. I'm pretty sure that it speaks for itself. But man, in frame 15, does his face say "Suck my cock", or what?
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