But lets explain why this bothers me so. Let's start with a bedtime story kiddos.
Once upon a time, in a kingdom called RPI, there live a princess named Beth. Beth lived quite happily in her kingdom, she had many friends, and many suitors, from which she had her choice. Of these, her favored was Dan, who himself, was happy in the kingdom.
One day, the bards of the kingdom hosted a massive ball, called the "Players Party". Lords and ladies travelled from many kingdoms to share in the festivities, including one Remy, Prince of Siena.
At that time, Remy had sworn himself to bachelordom, frowning upon the idea of taking a wife, even if only to expand his kingdom. To this day, Prince Remy holds to that.
However, before Prince Remy left for the kingdom of RPI, the court astrologer, Robert Brezny, warned him that a breaking of barriers would occur, and the prince would not be able to maintain his highly antiromantic stance. The prince nodded upon hearing this, and said to himself, "If that is what is to be, then let it be!"
Both Prince Remy and Princess Beth ejoyed the party, neither seeing the other or knowing of the other at all. Prince Remy consorted with the lords and ladies that came from his kingdom, while Beth did the same with the lords and ladies from her own.
At this ball, a special game was played, called the cloven fruit game. The game was little more than a refined example of the silly kissing games played by pubescent teens in all of the kingdoms of our world. There are fruit passed around, with cloves stuck in them. YOu offer it to the lord or lady of your interest, and they then have a choice to refuse it, pluck out a clove with thier fingers (which means you give them a peck on the cheek) or they can pull out the clove with thier teeth (which means you give them a kiss on the lips).
So it was that Prince Remy came to be holding a cloven apple. And while among the lords and ladies of his kingdom, Prince Remy is known for his flamboyance and outgoing nature, the truth is that Prince Remy is terribly shy. So the Prince looked about, his heart in his throat, as he searched for one to whom he could offer this cloven apple.
And then, the crowd parted, as if the court astrologer was pulling the strings on the puppets at the party, and Prince Remy saw Princess Beth standing in the clearing. He was stricken by her posture, namely, reserved and shy. The other lords and ladies present were attempting to convinced her to join the dancers in the middle of the hall, but she stubbornly refused. So taken was the Prince, that he immediate proceeded towards the young princess, and made the offer of the cloven fruit.
And no, at no point has Beth recieved more than a kiss on the cheek from me. But that players party started an interesting chain of events for a month or two. After the cloven fruit thing, we talk, and I'm instantly enamored. She has a keen wit, can play the same little mental games and twists of speech that I so enjoy, and was simply fun. So of course, when she says, "Hey, you wanna get outta here and hang in my dorm," I immediately accepted. No, I was not expecting anything more than hanging out and talking. Honestly, I was not trying to "score". Scout's honor. Even so, it was a bit of a blow when I discover the reason she's taking me home is to introduce me to her boyfriend.
But hey, I was undaunted. And so I kept in touch with Beth, crushing on her with a rather frightening intensity, so much so that I was scared of myself. But my friendship with Beth took on a rather distinctive form.
"Dan and I had a fight. I know it's kinda late (2:00am), but do you mind if I come over?"
"Duhhhh... okay. (Ignoring the fact that I have a 10:30 class)."
"K... well, I don't have enough for cab fare... you don't mind I hope?"
"Duhhhh... nah. I've got it."
"Dan and I broke up. Stay online and keep me company please?"
"I'm home on break and really bored. Hang out with me online for awhile please?"
"Hey, I'm back from break and all of my friends aren't. I'm lonely. Will you come and visit?"
Suffice it to say, that even after I tamed my crush, even after I understood that this was going nowhere, Beth maintained a spooky power over me. Like a Dark Side Jedi, she could get me to do whatever she willed. And it wasn't even forceful; she never demanded anything. All she had to do was ask, and I was there.
And then, I visited her to keep her company when her friends were all gone, and we hung out, we talked, we had fun. The afternoon stretched into evening, the evening stretched into night, and at around three, we curled up together and went to sleep.
I arose the next morning in a great mood... and was promptly booted out. Which I understood, she had stuff to do, right? And then she just vanishes. We stop talking. I basically feel like some one night stand who hadn't even gotten the cursory, "I'll call you."
On a few more occasions, we run into each other, at another player's party and online, and we exchange some platitudes, but no real conversation.
So now, last night, she IM's me. She's working on this project for the local school district, and just wants someone to talk to while she's doing it. I'm cool with that. At around fourish, I'm like, "Well, I'm heading off to bed."
"Awww... I was hoping to keep talking for a bit."
And so it goes until six am, when I finally HAVE to get off because my mom is going to be getting up any minute.
But this leaves a glitch. It's happening ALL THE FUCK over again. She keeps popping up in my thoughts, and I keep berating myself for it, creating a rather vicious cycle. I find myself angry at how easily she was able to just make me her pawn like that AGAIN. So... feh! I'm not going down this road again. We've been through this Beth thing, and it's really not worth my time...
so why can't I get this out of my head?
Also, the fact that 'Manda and I had a long fight about our different opinions on sexual relationships. That, and the advice I gave apples about his little glitch with becky fargled up.
JOY oh JOY!