How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy (t3knomanser) wrote,
How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

A Brief Script

On war:
A sneaky Bush stands a few feet away from a line labelled "WAR".

Narrator: In this time of crisis, the administraton is acting in the best interests of the people, knowing that war could become a reality.

Bush: Oh my god! Look at that over there!

[Pan, pan back. Bush is now closer to the line]

Narrator: If Saddam fails to disa- wait. Weren't you standing over there a minute ago?

Bush: No. I was here the entire time.

Narrator: Are you sure?

Bush: Yeah. Ask that guy standing behind you.

[Pan, pan back. Bush is now even closer to the line]

Narrator: There wasn't anyone there- wait! Now I _know_ that you moved.

Bush: No I didn't.

Narrator: Then why can I see your footprints over there in the dirt?

Bush: Those aren't my footprints. They're the footprints of that guy that was standing behind you.

Narrator: How could those be his footprints if he was behind me?

Bush: I dunno... unless he was a spy! Spies can move like that! An Iraqi spy! They could be anywhere!

Narrator: I don't think there was anyone there.

Bush: That's unamerican talk there buster! You had better get with the program! Iraq is a threat. They could drop an atomic bomb on us at any instant. If there is a bomb, you had better practice closing your eyes, otherwise the flash will blind you.

Narrator: What?

Bush: Oh yeah, nuclear flashes can blind. Lets practice. We'll both close our eyes... 3... 2... 1... BOOM!

[Black, fade in. Bush is now teetering on the edge of the line]

Narrator: What are you doing? How can I talk about averting war if you keep slipping closer and closer to that line?

Bush: I haven't moved at all! It was Saddam, he keeps pushing the line of war closer and closer to us! And we can't back down, can't step back, that'd show weakness, and weakness is unamerican. We have to keep facing the enemy! We've got to be strong and forthright, like John Wayne.

Narrator: Should we slaughter Indians too?

Bush: No, I think we'll be on their side. Pakistan is more Muslim. Oh shit, you had better turn around!

Narrator: I'm not going to turn around! Every time I do, you sneak closer to that line!

Bush: Do not!

Narrator: Then why are the footprints following you?

Bush: I told you! That damn Iraqi spy! Now turn around! It's the American thing to do!

Narrator: What does turning around have to do with being American? I thought you said we have to hold our place and keep facing the enemy!

Bush: I'm not the enemy, I'm your president. Now be a good little American, and turn around while I step over this line... er, I mean, stay steadfast, and hope that Iraq does not push war closer than is absolutely nessasary.

Narrator: Ha! There, you said it! You admitted that you've been edging closer to that line!

Bush: Did not! You're a threat to National Security! You're a threat to the president!

[Men in dark suits, lead by Ashcroft, leap from bushes, and fire shots. Camera turns back and forth in a panic, during which time, Bush steps over the line. A warning siren blares, and a bright flash is seen on the Horizon]

Narrator: Maybe that nuclear attack practice was a good idea after all.

[Black out]

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