t3knomanser's Fustian Deposits

I awoke rather refreshed this morning. Getting enough food and water can do that to a man. Didn't get enough sleep, but eh, so it goes. Cate ended up here, after a trek out to a diner after Dennis got out of Chorus. That was actually a rather fun little shindig.

When did I become witty and fun? I'm starting to like myself a great deal more. Although, I'm really upset. I'm developing dimples! Where in the hell did I get dimples? This is... it's hienous. Wrong. Remies are not supposed to get DIMPLES!

I guess its just that week of surprises. People suddenly hating me for doing things they knew I was (ie. posting with complete honesty in my journal *ahem*). Remy developing dimples.

Geh. It's bad when you want to erase someone from your life, just to get them to stop whining.

Quoth the Liam (Cate's brother): "Stop WHINING!". Anywho... potty time, then off on my day. Pax.

Remy is off to prove his damn coolitude and make more scones. Yay scones.

Unfortunate side effect of making scones- this also makes dishes. Bah.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): No offense, Taurus, but your
metaphorical fantasy muscles have grown a bit flabby. Possible
cause: your overconsumption of glossy entertainment concocted
by Hollywood hacks. You've got to do something! Looming
decisions will require your imagination to be in top shape. I
suggest you launch an intensive exercise program, beginning
with these calisthenics. 1. Visualize yourself as a superhero.
What are your powers? Your costume and name? 2. If you could
summon a brilliant ally from history, who would it be and what
would you want to discuss? 3. Dream up three stories you'd love
to read in the newspaper. 4. A skilled tapestry weaver offers to
create a masterpiece featuring scenes from the great turning
points in your life. Which events will you choose?

A homework assignment? Rawk.
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Water flows downhill,
My soul always moves upward,
The less resistant?

The wind moves the leaf,
The leaf tears free from the branch,
Of the tree no more.

Movement stirs the water,
Silver moonlight surfaces,
The rainbow is gone.

Spring blossoms the trees,
As does Fall blossom the ground,
Colors rain in death.

Words obey nature,
Poems follow all the laws,
Truth is evident.

The river courses,
Ending in the blue ocean,
Words end in my soul.

I am infuriated with that which generalizes the human condition. While our experiences may or may not share a high degree of similairty, people are so worlds different that to say the meaning of life is "X", or all people should hold "y" as an ideal, or that "z" is the absolute moral imperative is to deny the individual self!

I am who I am. I am not a human being, I am a Remy. I may have two arms, two legs, and the same basic anatomy as a human being, but I am more than a human being- I am a Remy. This unique combination of events, chemicals, biology and physics will never occur again.

Ever. Do not lump me in with the rest of you. I'd advise that you do the same... do not lump.

Be pissed, and then laugh with me. Do I care that you're upset? No, not particularly. I'm having an egomaniac day. They come, and they go. They're kinda fun- but not something I'd want every day.

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Okay, so lets recap, shall we?

Lets go back in time a week, where everything was a'ok hunky dory, I was (still am) madly in love, in a relationship that was quickly proving to potentially be the most stable and enjoyable one that I've had in years. I was happy. I had gads of energy to devote to whatever task I wanted and the time to explore it. Everything was going my way.

So right there I had to do something to jar that. Without even thinking about it, I was breaking down stability- it's habitual. So I took it upon myself to IM Amanda, wondering what she's up to, and if the ban on conversing with her had yet lifted.

Well, we all saw how that turned out.

So that tad of subconscious pattern breaker in me had to take advantage of this. It motivated all sorts of conflicts, creating all sorts of really nifty and completely false reasons for them. Well wasn't that just plain shitty of me.

Well, it was, but I'm not really going to feel shitty about it. I don't have it in me to feel all guilty over it. Suffice it to say, I'll stop. I'm kinda longing for that idylic thing- I'm just so terribly unused to it. Besides, I've still got all sorts of problems to tackle without pissing people off (as much as I get a twisted pleasure out of it, it's not the most self sustaining of practices). An unsolved assasination remains out there, some demon marines need to be trained, a rapist needs to be destroyed, I need to find a way to make my art pay off, I need a job.

Another note- when 'Manda first cut off things, I decided that the best thing to do would be to pull her off my friends list and get to know her from a 0 level, since we were so radically different... This past few days adventure has been my 0 experience.

::pushes reset:: Let's try that again, shall we?

So suffice it to say we're changing our programming back to the happy, insightful Remy, and not Dorian Gray played by Remy. Though Dorian Gray died cool.

This has been a public service announcment in the name of Shutthefuckup (this is targeted at the entire world, myself included- Shut the Fuck Up for the next 30 seconds and listen).

This has nothing to do with the subject, but I'm just going to sit and type and think for a bit, so in a way, this may be torture for the hapless reader.

hapless is a wonderful word. I oftentimes am hapless- it comes from thinking about the strangest things. Instead of focusing on the matter at hand, I'm harmonizing with a random EM field or something stupid like that.

Anywho, I realized that one of my previous posts (the one containing all the haiku) would probably not be taken as a joke. The haiku were serious- and I'm proud of those haiku. The rest of the post was a sarcastic joke... or was it? Or was my claiming it a joke really the joke? Oh so cryptic and mysterious.

The precedeing was also a joke.

The fact of the matter is, I'm discovering my love for the game. The Mask game. Running around with different faces, being different people at different times for different reasons. I'm not very good at it yet though, instead of light hearted mischief, I've been causing stabbing harms. I'll get better at it.

Biggest problem with interpersonal skills like the Mask game are that even when practicing the stakes are high. You can't just go into a quiet room and practice, the only way to get experience at it is to live it...

Much like life. Life has no dress rehersal. You just kinda leap forward and make the best of it. Look at it this way, no matter what we do, we're screwed anyway. The total energy level of the cosmos is going to decrease (should thermodynamics hold true- which I don't believe), the disorder will increase (again, i don't hold that as true), and we are all going to die (untrue). In other words, no matter how we play, we lose. Might as well have fun.

You see what I mean? I used three premises I don't hold as true to justify my worldview. And I do hold the worldview true, but not for those reasons.

It's like when I was going off on a nasal rant about being constipated. "I've got this fist sized rock roight at the bottom of my intestine. I haven't been able to shit right for a week. I tried ex-lax, and that loosened up everything else, but the rock stayed right there. I had to shit like I was a ball point pen..."

It's all on the same level.