February 13th, 2002

run the fuck away

(no subject)

Yay... object one on my todo list complete- getting the digital camera Cate gave me working.

"Oh yeah, I haven't been able to get it to work on my computer. You want it?"

::giggle:: Anywho, I've got a full day scheduled... now that this is done, I'm going to wipe what's on the camera, start restoring that sword, clean the apartment a bit, work on Humphrey... do some artworky bits too.

Busy busy busy.

If I weren't feeling really geeky at the moment, I'd be posting all sorts of unwanted details about my sex life. As it is however, I'm more interested in the camera at the moment. Perhaps another time.
  • Current Music
    miranda sex garden - a fairytale about slavery
run the fuck away

Paperwork...

I'd like to announce that a small amount of paperwork stands between me and being a college graduate!

w00t!

Today has been a good day. Stripped the screwed up paint off the sheath for my sword (even though the sword is a total POS as far as swords go, it has a nice personality, and I've already gotten my $10 in the enjoyment of fixing the blasted thing). Ripped the last of those cool CD's we dug up.

I'm developing a collection of Catestuff. At this point she's got a toothbrush here just as a matter of course, and she forgot her bracelet and a tank top. I am amused. And pleased.

Anywho, now to work on some arty bits. Maybe snap a few photos first, then do the retouching. We'll see what happens.
  • Current Music
    grateful dead - black throated wind
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Hrm...

Well, I'm going to take a minute and be sappy, only because it's truly how I'm feeling. Since it's truly how I'm feeling, I'm going to share it here.

I occasionally lose sight of the fact that my LJ is supposed to be what I am.... My LJ is not supposed to be censored, or controlled, or anything. My LJ is meant to be full of the true honest Remyness. I don't keep this for your gratification, I keep it for the spirit of the thing.

So first, the sappy lovey stuff. The past two weeks have been rather... wonderful. That word keeps coming up in conversations, and it also does a wonderful job of explaining how I am feeling. I often have said that the people you become intimately involved with must provide a path for expressing who you really are. The real you, whom you usually haven't met yet. An ideal relationship involves as much self discovery as it does discovering things about another person.

And that's what I've been experiencing. Facades have just slipped away. I often find myself having had entire conversations with Cate without thinking about what I was saying once. I just say what is on my mind, without restraint. We've become amazingly comfortable with each other, even this soon. So much so that we've already discussed moving in together in May.

"When I am with you,
there's no reason to pretend,
When I am with you,
I feel flames again."

This amazing simpatico has expanded and trickled into all aspects of our relationship. Our conversations, our philosophizing, our magicking. Do you know how wonderful it is to not have to agree to disagree? When you can actually communicate and understand each other? Even in our sex, there's an intensity, a response and a unification that I've never experienced before.

Altered states of concsiousness have been the norm, and even once, there have been hallucinations. Openly discussing the variety of sex acts that intrigue you, there's again, an amazing simpatico. For the most vulgar way of putting it, we share the same peversions.

Inclusive, beyond and above all of that, and hopelessly intermixed into it all, I love her. I can't help but be afraid, because so often I've felt this same intensity of emotion and mental stimulation, only to be left flat on my face in the mud. And in my fear and hesitancy, I'm completely sure that for right now, in this instant, It Is Good. There's something about this... this impermanence that just looks like it will never change, this easy goingness, this... hope.

One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time. It'll come. Holds true everywhere and everywhen. I've ranted a long time and have flooded your friends pages. I'm not in the least apologetic.
  • Current Music
    Vast- Flames
run the fuck away

(no subject)

Oh, and I just finished the fifth book of the Young Wizards Series by Diane Duane. After a rather poor showing in the fourth book, I was bowled over by the sensitivity of the entire novel, and again, the wonderful power.

For those of you not familiar, the Young Wizards series is five books, So You Want to be a Wizard, Deep Wizardry, High Wizardry, A Wizard Abroad and A Wizard's Dilemma. There are two other books set in the same universe involving some cats, but that's neither here nor there. These books however form a wonderful union between magick and science.

Strong reccomendation.
run the fuck away

On Acceptance

Now, a source of conflict that my philosophy has is that people tend to see it as fatalistic. Because i'll just say, "Well, that's the way it is."

Why do I say this? If I'm experiencing something unpleasant, why on earth would I just shrug and go "That's the way it is"?

Perhaps because it's true. Since it's happening that is the way it is. This isn't to say that I don't want it to change. This does mean however that I will not change it. Instead, I'll create an opportunity for it to change itself. Instead of being active or passive in the situation, I just create a new situation. I add something to the situation, a possibility for change.

Basically, it's 30 degrees to the left from any other position.
  • Current Music
    Unknown Artist - 01
run the fuck away

(no subject)

Did my gradiation paperworks. I'm out $350 for it, which is okay, because I had cash set aside. Yeah, I'm totally broke, but a $350 loss doesn't faze me, because when I say I'm broke, it means that everything I have is allocated towards bills.

Other news... I'm frikkin' starving. Really frikkin' starving.