November 18th, 2001

run the fuck away

Morning

Well, not really. But I had you goin' there for a second.


Some chick death metal band is on MTV. Kinda neet. The guitar she's using, while looking cool, is actually pretty shitty (happens to be one Jamie tried at a music store while I was around).

Celdih was a joy, even though I wasn't there for most of it. Treated myself to a $23.00 meal at Sushi King which involved saki of course. Mmmmmm... saki. I induced myself to a very slight tipsiness.

Before arriving at Sushi King, there was a very nice venting moment with Sarah and Dennis. Realized alot of sutff that was driving me up a wall. And I'm going to be a reiki test dummy for Sarah and Dennis, even though I've in the past gone into panics while reiki was being used. I'm plotting on getting over it and clearing out some blocks.

I finally met the Christa of whom I've heard so much. She's kinda neet, and that's not just because I mentioned my mad scientist goals and how I wanted "to be Tesla when I grow up," and she went "Ooooh! I love Tesla!".

Yay! Teslafans!

Must continue this interaction, there's a great deal of shpifpotential methinks.
  • Current Music
    my roomate has MTV on for some reason
run the fuck away

Morning

Some further notes:


  1. First, when Sarah, Dennis and I left Jen's, Brian was still there. Go Jen!
  2. Second, I really should tell my roomate that 'Manda and I are no longer an item. "I'm not going to be here monday night, so if you want Amanda to spend the night or something." "Umm... I don't think that too likely."
  3. I need a car!
  4. I need a better video card! Well... I don't NEED a better video card...
  5. I need a hyperspace quantum modulator!
  6. Heh heh heh...
  • Current Music
    Eagles - The Last Resort
run the fuck away

SURPRISE!

Man, I'm thirsty. Didn't have much of anything to drink nor eat at breakfast. For some reason my stomach went into flipflop mode. Bah.



There was more to go here, but I forgot it.
  • Current Music
    Weezer - Gaime
run the fuck away

Geh...

I hate being angry, I hate fuming, but sometimes, one has to vent.



I want to know how I am the bad guy again, even though I didn't dump Amanda for anyone else, or hell, I didn't even dump her.

Because I let go gracefully, and don't linger, don't let the pain cripple me, and isntaed, bite the bullet and concentrate on something else, I'm wrong?

"If you can move on so easily, it most not have meant as much to you." Yeah? So? I realized that, which is one of the many reasons I moved towards ending it. To be perfectly, and painfully honest, I don't, and I'm not sure I can love Amanda with the same doggedness with which she loves me.

It would have been cruel for me to continue on in that relationship with that sort of inequality. That would have been wrong, not getting hit with the suckerpunch and standing back up. No, it doesn't hurt me as much. But gods, I should hardly be guilty about it!

Instead, any sympathy I have gets overrun by anger. And I don't like that. I don't like myself when I'm angry. I get mean, I get cold, I get calculating. So, instead, I vent here, in the hopes of a) getting across WHY I might be a pissy individual from time to time, and b) venting so I don't have to be pissy later.



GEEEEERRRRRRGGGG!
  • Current Music
    Wierd Al - The Saga Begins
run the fuck away

Hrm.

I'm going to be in my bed reading. If you need me...



Fire a signal flare, and I'll reply via Pony Express.