October 25th, 2001

run the fuck away

I am the Fog that clouds men's minds...

I love the fog, tonight, while romping around on various activities, 'Manda and I drove past a nearby cemetary... which was blanketed in fog. There's nothing quite like seeing the rows of grave markers fade into a bleak grey. It was beautiful.
So since about thsi time last night, 'Manda and I have been struggling with communication breakdowns. She comes to me looking for comfort, but I fail to give it, things like that. I think I should feel worse about it than I do... because I don't really feel bad about it.
Side note: I've discovered that people consider me two faced. I was rather surprised, because I personally feel it far from the truth. I will grant that I am inconstant and mercurial- but that's different from being two faced. In order to be two faced, you must be imitating something that you aren't. I just don't like to be the same thing for too long.
It is my goal after all, to be everything at everytime. Past, present, and future. Moreover, I believe that such a unity is possible.
So anywho, finally, 'Manda and Sarah and I started getting somewhere with communication, and I've been able to understand some things that I couldn't before... like why someone might be afraid of thier feral aspects.

I don't want to go to work at nine tomorrow. Oh, poor baby, get over it
Sarah and I did have another failing, partially shared by Amanda. Sarah can understand why someone might be revolted by sexual activity or the thought therof, but not why someone might be disinterested in sexual activity altogether. I on the other hand, was quite the opposite. 'Manda could sorta understand disinterest, but could easily handle revulsion.

'Manda went on this "association" thing... you develop negative associations. Great... grand. But the thing is, if something makes you uncomfortable, make it stop. Either change it, or change how you interact with it. Avoidance is never a solution for me. It is a postponment of a solution. You can isolate yourself all you want, but eventually, you have to deal with it. You can bluff a couple of hands, but someone is going to call eventually, and when they do, you'd better be holding a flush or you're fucked.

It seems to me, that some people view stasis as a virtue. The ability to be one thing and stick to it a grand thing. And admittedly, I tend to like that aspect in other people as a general rule, but there needs to be a segment of the population that just quakes with change. That never contradict themselves because they believe everything.

Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
Everything is true. Nothing is permitted.
Everything is true. Everything is permitted.
Nothing is true. Nothing is permitted.

Am I the only one who doesn't see these as contradictory? They all say the same thing.

Embrace the absurdity...
  • Current Music
    Grateful Dead - Sugar Magnolia
run the fuck away


fire fire fire fire... mmmm... fire.

Just had to say that. I need a candle...

And a lighter...

People are scheduling for classes... and I'm not. It's kinda... scary. I'm... done. Passing onward. CAPP reports are out, and advisor meetings are starting. I'm going to miss all that crap.

And honestly... reading Nietzche can be really enjoyable... and it's all up ot you how evilly you want to interpret him...
  • Current Music
    Eric Claption - Wonderful Tonight
run the fuck away

The pot calling the kettle...

Why am I writing a 5 page response paper to 3 pages of text? Of text that has a great deal of "buffer space", paragraphs that are merely filler.
Why didn't I do this when it was due last week? Why am I going home for a weekend when I have a week full of major assignments?

Damn... it's cool to be me.
  • Current Music
    Weezer - Undone (The Sweater Song)
run the fuck away

Ladies and Gentlemen...

This is a fucking awesome paper if I do say so myself. I wish I had written this a week ago- like when it was due.

After I'm done I'll post it for those of you interested in Spinoza.
  • Current Music
    Less Than Jake - Automatic
run the fuck away

Do a little dance, make a little love...

this may be a tad unclear for those of you who don't know any Spinoza... but man... it's a great interpretation of Spinoza. I'm all set for that test tomorrow now.
Oh no... it missaved.... it's... a corrupt file? What? NOOO!
For some reason only my last paragraph is there... I'm ready to cry... this sucks so bad!

I think the file I sent was a full file though... it was big enough to be... it should be.

  • Current Music
    Get Up Kids - Washington Square Park