April 19th, 2001

run the fuck away

(no subject)

Sometimes, movies reflect real life. To a degree.

Fight Club, good flick right?

Well, so a few weeks ago, we're gathering to roleplay, and my friend Liz and I get bored. So, we kick the shoes off and go at it, light touch, just horsing around.

The next week we're rehearsing for a play, and there's some downtime. So Liz and I kick off the shoes and go at it again, but this time others there get into it. The skittish (about such things) amanda, our rather unconfidant Sarah, our overactive (and annoying) Missi, our buddy Jen.

It's becoming a regular habit. We beat on each other. We're gentle about it, because unlike Fight Club, we do want to keep our bodies in working condition, and none of us want to deal with hospital visits etc. But we still get hurt. I pulled something in my thumb, got my lip bloodied, caused Missi to double over and cease breathing for a few moments when I knocked the wind out of her, bloodied Sarah's nose.

And right now I'm explaining why this is enjoyable to Amanda.

First off, there's the gain of confidance that one gets from holding thier own in a fight. Every time you land a hit, every time you block a punch, you prove that you are capable of things. There's the confidance of control. We could hit each other hard enough to do damage. We could all go berserk and become animals... but we consiously choose not to. Finally, part of it is about conquering pain. I took a solid shot to the groin tonight, but I rode it while I fought. Didn't even let it slow me down. The fight ended and I doubled over and screamed. I was able to be stronger than my pain.

I think that's absolutely beautiful?
run the fuck away

(no subject)

Another part of this fighting thing that my friends are into (i hate calling it a fight club... it didn't start because of the movie) is that it allows you to not be afraid of yourself. We all have problems with anger... we're each prone to berserking and snapping.

Right now I'm trying to help Amanda with this via IM, but let's share the story of Sarah.

Sarah ranted about how she couldn't fight, how she had no skill, how she'd hurt someone or get hurt, and on and on listing all the reasons that she couldn't do it. Finally, she was dragged out onto the floor, and was told, "You're fighting." It was like watching a werewolf or something. I tapped her once on the shoulder, twice on the shoulder and then she erupted. Just went off, flailing, attacking. All of the karate that she claimed not to have learned came out, and she started beating me.

I escaped the assault, and those of us that were there calmed her down, and we tried it again. Once to the shoulder, twice to the shoulder, and again, she transformed. But this time, she rode it out. She was in control. The rage was still there, so was the intensity, but she could be cool with it.

It's all about control, but it's about self control. It's about not raging. It's about being in control of your body and defending and attacking competently.

Am I being clear about this at ALL?
  • Current Music
    Rammstein - Du Hast
run the fuck away

(no subject)

"You're a god and I'm not and I just thought I'd let you go"????

WHAT is that CRAP?

Damn selfdeprecating illusory conceptions of love.


Thank you.
  • Current Music
    Vertical Horizon - You're a God
run the fuck away

(no subject)

A perennial consideration of mine has been the "Hacker Errant" archetype.

Imagine this as a knight errant for the modern world. A computer savvy individual who abides by the ideals of chivalry, the ettiqute, manners, and duties inherent in the most positive interpreations of the chivalric code. Instead of using his sword to protect the weak from those that would take advantage of them, he uses his machine.

Think Ruroni Kenshin as a hacker... curious, no?
  • Current Music
    Moby - Natural Blues