It just doesn't interest me any more. I want to sit, read, play snood, roleplay, and drive myself slowly into a childlike, beliving, mystical insanity. I don't want to do homework, or sit through lecture or any of that crap.
I'm turning into Mike- not as arrogant about it though. I don't think my profs have nothing to offer me because I'm so far above them... they have nothing to offer me that I find interesting or diverting any more.
Eh, we'll see what happens. I've only got one semester left. Of course, then I'm expected to get a job. Not gonna happen i've decided. Maybe this is withdrawl from not having any programming assignments... i haven't written a block of code since last december. We'll see if things improve next semester.
I'm still gonna whine becasue I do not do not do not want to have to get a job. They want you to do stuff, and they try and sniggle you into picking up responsibility. They'd probably be annoyed if I were to walk into work with my face covered in my markered in decorations (though a religious discrimination suit could ensue if I were feeling creative). Could you imagine me walking into an interview prepared the way I think I should be? Tacky seventies rejected shirt with the top two buttons open as well as the cuffs. Torn jeans. Marker over my entire face and hands, some of the tricky tidbits of jewlery I've made, and my trenchcoat, which would be loaded with knives.
Anything else would just be... bleh. I'm Remy dammit, and I belong to no one. I'll never be an employee of something, I'll be REMY.
Part of what it is- I'm frightened that having a job is going to change me. I'm scared that if I start making those consessions to employment, I'll start losing alot of what I like about myself. I mean, in the compsci field, most corps are expecting sixty hour weeks. LIKE HELL. Full time is fourty hours, and god knows, I don't want to give them more than I have to. I'm frighted as fuck of having to get a real job.
I don't want to continue on in school either though.
What I really want to do is experiment. I want a vast budget and little or no supervision, and just be told to turn out something marketable every few months. That I could do happily.
Have I mentioned that I'm horrible at group work? Group work for me means that I do the work of four people, because (despite my laziness) I'm a perfectionist. I don't want to have to go back over other peoples mistakes to get it the way I want it. I'll jsut do it my way to start. I have a very strict, tight way of writing code, and when people don't follow my conventions it drives me bonkers. I'm obsessed with symmetry and the like. There's a certain poetry to well written code.
