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t3knomanser's Fustian Deposits


How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

run the fuck away

Mad science gone horribly, horribly wrong(or right).


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run the fuck away
Seems to be lacking. Communication issues between 'Manda and myself... are about as messy as they ever get. No, not the messiest I've seen really. No one is screaming for my head. That I know of anyway.

We've moved into such completely different paradigms. So much so that the world view each of us uses is known as heresy by the other. Yeah, in my personal religion, the one that renoucnes heresy, her style tends to be considered heretical.

I live, I thrive on making the universe bigger and more complex. She's hurt because I'm happier than I've been in a long time, but... it becomes this whole matter of "that was then, this is now." I've changed, she changed. Back in my freshman year in college, we linked wonderfully. For that time, for that place, for that Remy (v 2.3), she was the perfect compliment.

But there have been many versions released, the beta of version 5.0 came out in October, and the release of v 5.2 is now publicly available. All these changes, all this time passing... these new experiences.

I've changed alot, and I'm starting to see more places to change. Stasis is death.

Stasis is Death.
  • Remy,
    i know very little of you, realy only a handful of times spent in your company and i hardly knew you and amanda when you where together, but over the last week or two i have been shareing long converstation after long conversation deep into the night with miss amanda. now its none of my bee's wax. it realy isn't. and i am not trying to but my nose in, but i thought you might want an outsiders thought. amanda and i have talked, alot, alot about you alot not about you. i think you are both realy neat people.
    ok backround has been set up here is what i have to say.

    communication is lacking, its not always a bad thing, this is the part where you both linger a little threw some friends but over all build your new lives and don't end up back in the same bed. now i have no idea if you have done this before, i have no idea if amanda has done this before, but this is the first time it needs to be done in a long time (other break ups between you don't count you ended up together)
    you are will someone else, you are glowing with joy, you are with someone amanda wanted to get to know a little wanted to check out and exsploir, she was drawn to cate as you are, maybe in a diffrent way but she was drawn to her. cate and her will never be friends. because at this point in both your lives thats a little to close.
    Amanda is Jealous. she is human, and evern more so female, she is sensitive and tends to feel everything positve and negitive alike just a little too deeply. so she has hot flashes of tender jealously, it is all part of the healing program. she knows that you are now having those converstaions of taking over the world with someone else, the touch of your skin isn't hers to feel, your hot breath with never be on her face, your embrass, your giggles, your kiss it is gone, it has left her, 3 years or so that had been brought to these moment and she is with out you. i am not saying she is crying the night away pineing for you, i know she is not, i know she doesn't want to get back together anymore then you do. i know she knows your arms are now a diffrent place then they where and it is not a place that suits her, but the loss of of a connection, a tenderness, a storm is always some cause for a little sorrow, a little passing sentiment. now after she has moved on, she has digested and been reatful that she is no longer lives with your kiss, she now is faced with knowing someone else does. as a woman she had claimed you and set you free forgave you been forgiven and now that whole rollercoaster ride is over, and someone else has taken her place and yes she is glad that the ride isn't what she is on but she is a little jealous that someone else is in her spot. there is nothing odd or lacking for that, and you should be glad no matter how inconvent it is because if she wasn't jealous even in the slightest bit, if she wasn't hurting, despit her healing, that would mean she never cared, that would mean your relationsship was in vain, she is happy for you, she isn't pineing away and drowing in remores but when the night air sings a little too softly and her bed seems a little more empty she is a little sad and lonley, and it helps her heal, and now when she is alittle lonley she is a little jealous knowing you are not, and so she took you off her friends list, a little deleration of i don't have to feel this way, a little way to let go a little more.

    you are prolly like.......omg why did this chick i hardly know write all this, why did she have so much to say, simple, i know how amanda feels and i have felt that myself, and i think when you admit your jealous it wonderful, its hard to do, its admiting you feel a little less, you feel a little replaced, and a little lost, and people always sit in judgement as though you have no right to feel what you so, jealousy isn;t weak and it doesn't mean amanda is less happy for you, it means she is female it means she is human.
  • So you're saying that she's the Windows 95 of your love life, and Cate is Windows XP? People aren't software or hardware, and referring to them as such isn't proper
    • No, I was saying that when I was with 'Manda I was the windows 95, and with cate I'm the windows XP.

      They're simply what they are. I can't evaluate the changes they have experienced the same way I can evaluate mine. I was using a computer metaphor (which I'm really comfortable in) to express the changes that I have personally experienced.

      I'm not running around ranking people, though some I can interface with better than others.
  • You're not the only person to have changed.... which has been the major source of conflict lately. However... I've felt very judged/ criticized for needing time on my own to work things out. I am not hurt because you're happy. I want you to be happy. I do not want you back.
    But... I have never really had a chance to fully get over you... since we've gone back & forth so much. So I need distance for now, because it does still hurt to see you with someone else... even if it is the right thing for both of us. I'm sorry you can't seem to understand that. But... I will not martyr myself, trying to become friends with someone when it will hurt me to be around the two of you together. I need time... and I do not need battery acid in an open wound.
    That's basically what it's come down to. The rest is a matter of my feelings... which you can judge as petty or not, but I have a right to them & to the time needed to work them out.
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