How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy (t3knomanser) wrote,
How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

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I am not in control of myself

I am currently ranting and raving and... twitching mentally. It's like some wierd form of a siezure. Vague panic at this lack of control of self. I may not be able to work tonight as I was planning to. Unless I can find something to DO with this chaos distortion.

I'm kinda growing enraged at the amount of people that know what they are doing in the "M" sense of the world. I'm against anyone knowing what thy're doing, because in my experience that's the moment you are the most absolutely wrong. What I most hate though, is the lack of playfulness in it. People start finding applications that don't involve acting like they're six years old. It makes me gavuely uncomfortable, more so when I'm twitching, but right now that's fading, with some of Sarah's advice.

I honestly don't believe in Magick. So why do I practice it? Because... it's true. In a sense. It's hard to explain. Well, I think it gets back to the old chaos magick mantra of "Nothing is true. Everything is permitted."

This is why I've been a solitary for so long, other peoples perceptions confuse me, becasue they think their perceptions are true, and that makes me think mine are true, when we're ALL wrong.

Some people are looking for reason and rationality. I'm looking for an utter destruction of "sense" and "logic" and replacing it with a giant game, where anything is possible, and anything can be true if you think it is. I want to be the Eternal Six Year Old, running from Storm Troopers while riding dragons and reading books all the time, but really being in the books that I read.

Is that so wrong? It's not insane. Insane is beliving in a world that is less than perfect. Insane is coming to terms with "reality" and living in the same humdrum as everyone else!

"I don't think that is really the case." GOOD! Think what you want! I'm going to think what I want, and goddammit, agree to disagree (or agree even when you disagree!). I am large, I contain multitudes.

LONG LIVE THE DRAGON! Sarazen is a Viking Mead Hall, Saga is an Open Air Marketplace. Paduah is a mountain, populated by dwarves in caves, while Hines is a living thing, unsure of itself as of yet. Siena Hall is a cresting wave in a ocean of soil, and the Library contains the Warp Core that powers the Starship Siena College through the cosmos.

Yet, even so, I still seek acceptance. I want people to agree with me. Whether they do or not is meaningless, but I don't want to be lonely. It is somewhat selfish of me, because I want to play makebelieve with the world, but want to be in charge. I dunno... I'd be willing to play makebelieve in other universes for awhile, but I really like mine.

We'll have to see what happens.

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