I want to know how I am the bad guy again, even though I didn't dump Amanda for anyone else, or hell, I didn't even dump her.
Because I let go gracefully, and don't linger, don't let the pain cripple me, and isntaed, bite the bullet and concentrate on something else, I'm wrong?
"If you can move on so easily, it most not have meant as much to you." Yeah? So? I realized that, which is one of the many reasons I moved towards ending it. To be perfectly, and painfully honest, I don't, and I'm not sure I can love Amanda with the same doggedness with which she loves me.
It would have been cruel for me to continue on in that relationship with that sort of inequality. That would have been wrong, not getting hit with the suckerpunch and standing back up. No, it doesn't hurt me as much. But gods, I should hardly be guilty about it!
Instead, any sympathy I have gets overrun by anger. And I don't like that. I don't like myself when I'm angry. I get mean, I get cold, I get calculating. So, instead, I vent here, in the hopes of a) getting across WHY I might be a pissy individual from time to time, and b) venting so I don't have to be pissy later.