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t3knomanser's Fustian Deposits

Steal this Pitch

How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

run the fuck away

Mad science gone horribly, horribly wrong(or right).

Steal this Pitch

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I had some ideas today. Ideas that, I must say, are great big piles of awesome. I mean, not to be too terribly self-congratulatory. Since two of these ideas are movies, and I am not now, nor have I ever been (nor shall I ever be) a screenwriter, I'm afraid that I must throw these ideas out there for someone with the right talents to produce.

I'm sure someone will be up to the task of this awesomeness.

First, let's start small and low budget. Doing Taxes is a light romantic comedy with a bawdy twist. Our female protagonist is going through a messy divorce, and the protracted legal battle is draining her bank account faster than you can say "custody". Desperate for any kind of break, and so fed up with her soon-to-be-ex-husband, she counts how many times they've had sex that year, and writes it off as a business expense. Her idea is that if she had been a prostitute, she could have been making that much money, so giving it away for free counts as lost wages or promotional expenses, depending on your point of view. It seems like a fun lark, but oops- she gets randomly selected for an audit this year! Now, she must prove to the dashing-but-nerdy IRS auditor that if she were a prostitute, she really could have been making that much money. Hijinks ensue, but, since it's a light romantic comedy, we know she ends up with the auditor.
Bonus points: Honestly, there's no reason why this has to be a woman, and we could flip around the genders of any and all of the characters with abandon. Flavor to taste, and with three principles (main character, ex-spouse, auditor) we've got about 8 movies we could make out of this.
Release date: April 15th, obviously.

Okay, romantic comedies are fun and low risk, but that's not where the summer blockbuster money is at. You can't get by with a chick flick. So you need something big. Something that will draw the crowds and stun the crowds. Have I got what you're looking for: Bill of Frights.
<Insert disaster here> in Washington, DC area cemeteries causes legions of dead presidents to rise from the dead. Okay, that's really all I've got for this. Zombie Thomas Jefferson and Zombie Teddy Roosevelt kicking ass, taking names, and running out of gum. With Paul Giamatti as Martin Van Beuren, I'm sure you can get enough scenery chewing action to fill 90 minutes.
Bonus points: Samuel L. Jackson as the Secret Service agent protecting the sitting president from the wrath of his forbears, and you've got a movie, right there.
Release date: July 4th, obviously.
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