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t3knomanser's Fustian Deposits

The most awesome thing I've seen today.

How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

run the fuck away

Mad science gone horribly, horribly wrong(or right).

The most awesome thing I've seen today.

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run the fuck away
This is the most awesome thing I've seen today. Now, it's pretty cool, and I chuckled, but it's nothing that exciting. By far, that is the most awesome thing I've seen today. By a factor of ten, nay, a factor of 1010. Er, two factors of ten then.

Why is that so awesome by comparison? Because I'm in Shittensburg, PA. That's why. Do you know what's in Shippensburg, PA? A Wal-Mart. And do you know what else is in Shippensburg? A K-Mart. It's right across the street. They're having a sale on patio furniture. You could save up to $100 on patio furniture. Do you know what else is in Shittensburg? There's a road under construction that goes nowhere. It goes into an empty field. Nay, not completely empty, there appears to be some crops growing in it. Why are they building a large road into the middle of this field? Fucked if I know, apparently that's what they do in Shittensburg. They get bored and build a road.

The only other thing in Shittensburg is the place where I'm teaching.

There are no cabs in this town. Which means I have a lovely mile long walk to work, and a mile long walk home. There's a gas station halfway between the place where I'm teaching and my hotel, and on the way home, I stopped for a drink, and to pull cash out of the ATM. WHOOPS! They don't have a fucking ATM. A gas station. Without. A. Fucking. ATM.

Now, I know I'm all citified, but I've been into the Eastern Wilds of Bumfuckia, and been able to find an ATM at any gas station I stopped at. This is the 21st GODDAMN CENTURY.

Also, Microsoft is currently on my list. I italicized that so you could see the menace. You do not want to be on my list. Shittensburg is on my list. And so is Microsoft. Why? Well, Microsoft has this habit of putting together classes on technologies that haven't been released yet. So, for example, some of the classes for .NET 2005 use beta software. That, itself, isn't a problem. But this beta software expires. Stops working. Kaput. So, you go to Microsoft and say, "Hi, Microsoft. I'd like to run a training class on data access with .NET." And Microsoft says, "Oh, great, here's the training image. Never mind that it won't fucking work. We just give them out, it's not our responsibility to provide the training materials for the courses we offer. I hope you like my cock up your ass, because you're getting reamed at 9:15 when you try and have the students do a lab."

I hate this town.

I've made up a myth about this town. You see, Shippensburg has a college. Yes, there's a college here. On the map, it's the size of the goddamn rest of the town, and the population roughly doubles when school is in session. How can this be? Centuries ago, one of the Ancient Ones fell to Earth, and landed in what was to be Shippensburg, PA. And through its eldritch powers, it drew squamous and horrifying beings, beings that are nearly human, but only nearly. Their desires are to serve their noiseome masters. When they arrived here, they needed to feed it souls, and to train another generation of acolytes to serve this being from beyond time and space. To do that, they need to draw people to it- so they started a college. The purpose of the college was to put in place enough demand for a small town to appear. This unwitting hamlet exists to provide warm human flesh. The college draws off of the local populace for students and staff, and in turn, these natives are trained in the service of their dark god, while others... others are simply vanished, and never heard from again. But I know where they go- into the belly of a many tentacled thing that chills the imagination and makes men go mad at the mere sight of it.
  • My sympathies.

    Wow. You are smack dab in my old stomping grounds. You poor, poor man. I recommend booze and avoiding close contact with college kids. When I was in the general area, Shippensburg was the STD capital of PA colleges. I'm pretty sure retardation was catching too. Everytime my roommate came back from there she left another bit of her IQ in a gutter somewhere.

    There's really only one way to look at PA. The land is more or less fantastic but the people and all their shit on it sucks. I think, anyway.
    • Re: My sympathies.

      P.S. Nice myth. Most likely accurate.
    • Re: My sympathies.

      The citified parts are fine. I know most people think Philly is a dirty hole, but I find it decadently beautiful. And I mean "decadent" in the old meaning- decaying. I like Philly. Pittsburgh is also a nice town. Hell, even downtown Harrisburg is okay- the problem is everything that surrounds it.

      Fortunately on the STD front, there are no college kids in town. Just old men with bushy mustaches and pickup trucks and their fat, tattooed wives and daughters who smoke Marlboros and drink Budweiser.
      • Re: My sympathies.

        Philly is decaying because the people that live there are insane. Literally. At one time the Eagles were the only football team that a *JAIL* in their stadium. A jail and a judge. To you know, sentence people for their felonies at the game they performed the crimes at.
      • Re: My sympathies.

        The cities aren't too bad if you ignore the tumbled-down decay, true. But outside of the cities there is nothing a guy like you would consider civilization. Just some good ol' boys and their trusty side-kicks - booze and shotguns. Incest, racism, and moonshine gu-RAH! That might have just been my home town, though, that over achieved in those categories. You might check out Chambersburg, which is 15 minutes away if you can get there. All night Sheetz with M*T*O's and ATMs.
  • *hugs... just... hugs*

    //Go Stillers!
    //That side of the state is Iggles country... eww
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