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t3knomanser's Fustian Deposits

Hrm...

How Random Babbling Becomes Corporate Policy

run the fuck away

Mad science gone horribly, horribly wrong(or right).

Hrm...

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run the fuck away
Well, I'm going to take a minute and be sappy, only because it's truly how I'm feeling. Since it's truly how I'm feeling, I'm going to share it here.

I occasionally lose sight of the fact that my LJ is supposed to be what I am.... My LJ is not supposed to be censored, or controlled, or anything. My LJ is meant to be full of the true honest Remyness. I don't keep this for your gratification, I keep it for the spirit of the thing.

So first, the sappy lovey stuff. The past two weeks have been rather... wonderful. That word keeps coming up in conversations, and it also does a wonderful job of explaining how I am feeling. I often have said that the people you become intimately involved with must provide a path for expressing who you really are. The real you, whom you usually haven't met yet. An ideal relationship involves as much self discovery as it does discovering things about another person.

And that's what I've been experiencing. Facades have just slipped away. I often find myself having had entire conversations with Cate without thinking about what I was saying once. I just say what is on my mind, without restraint. We've become amazingly comfortable with each other, even this soon. So much so that we've already discussed moving in together in May.

"When I am with you,
there's no reason to pretend,
When I am with you,
I feel flames again."

This amazing simpatico has expanded and trickled into all aspects of our relationship. Our conversations, our philosophizing, our magicking. Do you know how wonderful it is to not have to agree to disagree? When you can actually communicate and understand each other? Even in our sex, there's an intensity, a response and a unification that I've never experienced before.

Altered states of concsiousness have been the norm, and even once, there have been hallucinations. Openly discussing the variety of sex acts that intrigue you, there's again, an amazing simpatico. For the most vulgar way of putting it, we share the same peversions.

Inclusive, beyond and above all of that, and hopelessly intermixed into it all, I love her. I can't help but be afraid, because so often I've felt this same intensity of emotion and mental stimulation, only to be left flat on my face in the mud. And in my fear and hesitancy, I'm completely sure that for right now, in this instant, It Is Good. There's something about this... this impermanence that just looks like it will never change, this easy goingness, this... hope.

One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time. It'll come. Holds true everywhere and everywhen. I've ranted a long time and have flooded your friends pages. I'm not in the least apologetic.
  • I feel much better about the hallucinations part. I didn't know if perhaps that was just a sign that not enough oxygen was getting to my brain.
    • Intense stimulation of varying kinds can cause hallucinations. I've just never seen it happen to someone in bed before.
      • Usually it's more like just going astral for a bit, but sometimes I get images or sounds or smells. Like that beautiful bleeding woman in blue light happened a few weeks ago, and once I got this clip of some kind of ivory colored lily in a shallow, square, black glazed ceramic dish, dropping its petals, and they were tipped with blood. That was about as elaborate as they come... errr... so to speak.
  • despite what you may think by now i am filled to the brimm when i read of others falling in love. i am bursting with fruit flavor at the thought of your tingels and happyness. do not edit what you say, ramble on and on about this new found love. no one is asking you to do anything less, and those who don't want to see it, are blessed with a option not to, don't deny them that and no one will deny your space to glow!
    *huggs*
    • Dear... don't take this the wrong way...

      But you talk to much. Relax, you don't need to justify and explain everything you say.

      On second thought, maybe if I did that people would understand what I'm saying. Pishle.
      • Re:

        i wasn't jusftying anything, i was jsut telling you i thought it was nice you found new love.
        sorry i talk to much i've been told many times i say to much but its always worth hearing so i always liked that i could talk alot and never seem to bore anyone, i won't bother you with my rambles anymore
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